So this morning, I'm walking up the hill from the dorm, and am met halfway by a very helpful random dude. Random dude: "You're about to get swamped with girls." Me: "Well, that can't be bad, can it?" *peeks over the crest of the hill* But these are not ordinary girls. Oh no. These are...HOMECOMING QUEEN CAMPAIGNERS!!!!! *Jaws theme plays* How to avoid them? I have to get to class or I'll be late! I can't walk straight through them, or else I'll get caught up in the whole thing. (It should probably be noted that I had and have no interest in voting in such matters, at least this year) So, I do the only thing I can do: cut off through the trees and brush making a straight line for the road, rather than sticking to the sidewalk. I really thought I had made it, that I would be left alone. Such is the depth of my naive optimism. Halfway to the street, however, I heard an unwelcome voice: "Sir, we see you! Don't try to get away from us! Are you going to vote today?" A couple things to note here: 1. Don't. Ever. Call me "sir." You may call be Nathan, Ignatius, or (if you don't know my name) "You Handsome Hunk of a Man, You." But don't even try to use your socially constructed formalities on me. This brutha don't roll that way, holla? 2. The injunction, "Don't try to get away from us!" is quite possibly the most useless phrase ever invented by mankind, in close competition with "This won't hurt a bit." If the listener is trying to get away from you, is he likely to obey your command not to do so? Methinks not. So I respond: "I have class." Them: "Don't lie to us. We'll just catch you later today." One thing to note here: If you plan on "catching" someone, it's probably not a good idea to let them know that such is your plan. That's akin to saying, "Yo dude, I'm just gonna borrow your laptop for like a few years, aight?" So when my day is done and I head back to the dorm, I approach in such a way as to scout out the area well before reaching it. They wait. They wait, wearing their brightly colored sorority shirts. (Which, if you think about it, is a really bad idea. If they wore, like, camo or something, people would be more likely to get close without noticing them, providing more opportunites for them to proselytize.) So I decide to go around. The long way. Instead of walking towards my dorm, I walk toward one to which there is a clear path. Then I turn and walk down the side of the building, heading for the hill which leads down to my dorm. Now, there's a reason they built steps up the hill. This reason is that the hill is insanely steep. Like, here's a picture. And from another angle, during a different time of year. But looking at the options (A - Steep hill vs. B - Ditzy mob), I took my chances. And thus did a group of sorority girls nearly cause me to become infected with a dreadful disease. The thing about it is that (as is the case with all bad plans) there was no single problem with this one. All obstacles were mere trifles. Yet trifles, when present in sufficient quantities, can changes from trifles to trials. Such was the case with this experience. Trifle 1, already discussed: Steep hill. Just steep enough that you can't really stop or control your pace on the way down, but not so steep that you can't survive and be standing without massive internal injuries at the bottom. Trifle 2: This path leads down the side of a dorm. As such, there is (naturally) BROKEN GLASS on the ground the entire way. Yet, because of the color of the glass and the color of the ground, I did not see this problem until I was already in motion. Now, this trifle would not even be worth mentioning if it were not for the third one... Trifle 3: I'm wearing sandals. Yeah. So, like, yeah. Broken glass + fast motion + open-toed shoes = heart attack material. Needless to say, I did not cut myself, or this post would be a lot shorter. Just to give you an idea what you missed, here's what the post would have looked like if I had suffered an injury in the course of this little adventure: "So, yeah. I'm probably infected. Stupid sorority girls." I doubt that I would even have signed my name. After all, you know who I am. It's right there in your browser's address bar. And now that I think about it, such a post would have had many possible interpretations, none of which I will discuss here. But the fact is, I returned safely to the dorm, to make this blogpost. The moral of this story? Moral: "Two roads diverged on a campus, and I, I took the one less traveled by...and dude, I almost got a freakin' infection off of some stinkin' beer bottles! I hate sorority girls." Fine. ~GtMC | 
